rebuild your relationship with yourself
…by dating yourself!
Some of the biggest lessons I learned through my Burnout Recovery were about myself.
Like, sure, I learned a lot of good practical stuff: like routine and yoga and meditation and journaling, and the importance of rest and all those good things that you need to know, and DO, to get well again after Burnout.
But as I always come back to, Burnout can really be a wake up call that alerts you to some major issues in your life that need addressing long term.
One of mine was my relationship with myself. Because it was not good. It’s better now - still not amazing - but it’s a journey and it’s ongoing. Nowadays, I put a lot of time and effort into working on that relationship, and I recommend you do too!
This post is also a podcast! Listen via the Player or search for Your Supernova Moment wherever you get your podcasts.
There are a few key things to remember:
That external version of you that the world sees, that’s not really you. It’s an interpretation, through the eyes of others. You aren’t defined by the parts of you that you let people see.
You also are not your thoughts. You are the one hearing them. You are the awareness that is paying attention, listening to that pesky inner critic - and to really good marketing campaigns.
Once you start to strip away some of those layers - the expectations of others, the voice in your head telling you how to act, how to think, how to be - then you can start finding the real You underneath.
It’s worth me interjecting here to reiterate that same old thing that I always say. It’s LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE to do this stuff when you’re right in the boiling pot of burnout. If your head is spinning, you can’t just suddenly start ignoring thoughts and feelings. You have to get the space first to start learning and practicing all this - and you do that by stopping, by breathing, and resting, and stepping back. If you’re stuck in the boiling pot of Burnout right now, book in for a free 30 minute consultation call with me. We can talk about your situation and help you to get that headspace you need.
I’m a firm believer that a lot of us burn out because we have forgotten how to care about ourselves.
Self-care is not just bubble baths and scented candles - it’s actual time and effort spent caring for yourself. Your wellbeing. Your health. Your happiness. And we’re not caring about ourselves because we don’t have a RELATIONSHIP with ourselves, and that’s what we need to fix.
Building a relationship with yourself, is like… dating yourself.
You know when you meet someone new, all you know is the surface level stuff. So think of it like this; you’re on the hypothetical self-development dating app, you’ve matched with yourself. You can see the profile, you know a few things. What you look like, maybe where you live, what your job is, whether you have pets, kids, a family. Maybe your favourite colour, your favourite movie, that sort of thing.
When you meet someone new, you’re not going to dive straight into those deep and meaningful conversations. You’re going to take time to get to know someone. To learn more about them.
This is how relationships start. It starts with that connection - but it takes time to really get under the surface.
So you want to think about this process like dating yourself. Start getting to know yourself. Building that relationship. Building trust.
Start learning what you like. Really simple things! Like what kind of food you like. What makes you feel calm and relaxed. What makes you laugh. What your perfect day is. You know, first date sort of stuff.
In time, you’ll learn more about yourself. And you’ll become more invested in yourself and your well-being.
Like any relationship, you don’t want to force things too quickly. Take your time getting to know yourself, learning more about yourself, and embracing everything that you do learn along the way.
And there’s a few ways to do it - I’d recommend trying your hand at all of these.
Correspondence
This is super simple. It’s basically about journaling. Think of your journaling practice as a way of corresponding with yourself. Text messages, chats, love letters - whatever you want it to be. You can use prompts and learn about yourself by answering questions and exploring your responses. A great way to get deeper into your journaling is to follow up whenever you answer a question. You answer it and then you ask yourself; WHY? Get a little deeper. Learn a little more. And take your time - let this be snail mail. Take it slow.
Conversation
I don’t necessarily mean talking to yourself - although you can if you like. You can also talk to someone else ABOUT yourself, so coaching, therapy, all that counts. It’s amazing what you can learn about yourself in these sessions when you pay attention. But even if you don’t have a coach to talk to, this is more about internal conversation. It’s about thinking, reflecting, considering the way you feel - and noticing when you hear that inner critic voice chiming in. The critic is not invited on these dates! They are a massive third wheel. Maybe you like listening to podcasts or audio books, or reading actual books - take time to consider your personal response and feelings. How does this make me feel? What do I really think about this? How does this relate to me and my experience? Instead of just listening and letting it go.
Courting
Taking yourself on dates! This is about making time for yourself. So many times I talk to people in coaching sessions and I ask them what they do for fun and they have no idea. It’s fine, it’s okay if you don’t know. You’ve just got to try stuff, and be present and aware that’s what you’re doing. What do you want to do? Then go and do it, for you. You won’t know what you like until you try.
The more the dates, conversations or correspondence progress, you’ll likely get to deeper, more meaningful conversations - some of which might be difficult - but this is all part of the process of getting to know, fully embrace and ultimately love the whole of YOU.
This is how we get to a place where it feels natural to put ourselves first.
This is how we develop better self-esteem and self-acceptance, we recognise when things are harming us and we take action to stop those things. We know our worth, and we know we are worth the time and effort. We prioritise ourselves and our needs over the things that our Inner Critic likes to tell us we ‘should’ care about instead; such as people pleasing, fitting into a mould, being perfect, meeting other peoples’ expectations, putting others' needs before our own to the detriment of ourselves.
Join me for a free workshop!
One of the ways that you start building that relationship with yourself, is by joining me on Saturday the 25th of February for another FREE Self-care Saturday workshop. This time we’re focussing on this exact topic of DATING YOURSELF, with guided journaling exercises all about learning about yourself, and building this relationship with yourself.
If you feel a bit scared of journaling, or if you just struggle to make yourself sit down and do it, these sessions can be super helpful! You can write half a page, or fill half a notebook, there’s no right or wrong.
And if you feel like you’ve lost touch with who you are as a result of stress and Burnout, and you don’t even know where to start - come chat with me. I do free 30 minute consultation calls every week, whenever I have availability. Let’s get on top of those basics and get you to a place where you can indulge in dating yourself - and begin repairing that relationship with you.
Mx
