BURNOUT is caused by ACCUMULATED STRESS

Something that can be really frustrating about Burnout is the total lack of perspective that we have when we’re stuck inside the boiling pot of it all.

It’s so hard to step back and see the bigger picture when we’re spending all our energy just trying to keep our heads above water.

This is why I always tell you to start with rest, and breathing, and all those lovely restorative things, because you need that to be able to think clearly enough to start doing anything else.

I have one-to-one sessions with people who, like I was at the point of Burnout, feel like a shadow of their former selves. They’re just so exhausted and done, but when we talk about this it’s like they are letting me in on this awful secret, which is… they aren’t even doing that much right now.

They don’t technically HAVE loads of stress.

So why can’t they seem to do things that they used to do any more? Why can’t they think straight? Why can’t they send an email? Why does the tiniest little thing send them over the edge - or make them burst into tears?

When I burned out, I really didn’t have that much going on. I’d massively reduced my workload, I had the assistant I’d been desperate for for years, I wasn’t travelling so much, I was leaving work on time and I wasn’t really working in the evenings. On paper, I shouldn’t have been overwhelmed. The things that I needed to do for my job were relatively simple, compared to all the shit I’d been doing for the past four years, but everything seemed impossible. Thinking was too much. Emails were terrifying. Meetings were hell on earth. Even getting out of bed and putting on clothes and getting out of the door felt like someone was asking me to climb Mount Everest after running a marathon.

We don’t necessarily burn out because of our current stress. Sure, sometimes we do, sometimes it’s relentless for a really long time and we hit the point of Burnout while it’s still relentless, but in my experience and in the experience of a lot of people I’ve talked to - enough people that I felt like I needed to share this because almost every time it’s shared with me like it’s a dirty little secret - this is how it goes.

We don’t burn out because of the situation we’re in right now. We burn out because of the situation we’ve BEEN in, often for years. You might still be in it, you might not. But that doesn’t always make a difference, once the damage has been done.

Unmanaged, Chronic stress is what leads to Burnout. That means your stress has been a problem for a long time, you’ve been ‘on’ for a long time, hardly ever switching off, hardly ever resetting or resting, and all of that has built up and it’s the accumulation of all of that shit that has gotten you where you are right now.

Maybe you’ve been working in a really stressful job for a really long time, and you’ve been putting all the hours in and burning the candle at both ends, telling yourself that you’ll take a break after this next project but the break never comes, because there’s always another project.

Maybe you’ve been overwhelmed by caring responsibilities over years and years; for kids, for a partner, for parents. All of those years putting your needs last, most likely not taking care of your needs at all.

Maybe you’ve been struggling with anxiety, perhaps exacerbated by the pandemic, never managing to relax or build your energy reserves back up.

It can be one or all of these things, or something else entirely, but it’s not just about what’s happening now. It’s about everything that’s happened.

Again, we can’t always see this clearly when we’re right in the middle of Burnout. So when it comes to recovery we need to start with those foundational things; rest, nervous system, basic needs, all that. And then when we’re able to get out of the pot and step back a bit, then you can look back and see all the stuff that’s led you to this point.

It’s really important and helpful to do! Because it helps you to understand better. It maybe helps you to judge yourself less. It helps you to be less mad at yourself for getting here, and, hopefully, helps you to be able to tap into that all important self compassion. It can help you to give yourself permission to take that break and get better.

And it can help open you up to the possibilities that just because this is the way things have been, for however long they’ve been that way, it doesn’t mean you can’t make a decision, step back, set boundaries, make changes, prioritise, and move forward.

We don’t burn out because of what’s happening right now.

We burn out because of everything that’s HAPPENED. The weight of it. The way it’s scarred us. The energy it’s drained. The resilience it’s chipped away at.

This is why it isn’t a simple case of getting on top of your current situation, and everything being fine. This is why you can take a week off work and sleep the whole time and then go back and be immediately exhausted all over again.

It’s about that YOU on the inside. The ‘you’ that’s there, under all the surface level stuff, all the stress, all the schedules, all the thoughts and fears. The ‘you’ that has always been there, the you that feels on a deep level.

All that time, while the stress, and the impact of that stress, while it was building up, what it was also doing was pushing that ‘you’ down. That you was protesting and crying out for help but it was lost in everything that was going on. Maybe you couldn’t hear it, maybe you ignored it - maybe a bit of both.

Beyond the practical reason of Burnout Recovery taking time, because of the physical, mental and emotional healing that needs to happen, there’s also this deep, existential thing. That ‘you’ on the inside has not felt safe for a long time, and so they need to know that they really are safe, that you’re not going to throw yourself back into stress, that you’re not going to ignore them again, that you’re not going to hurt them, or let anyone else hurt them.

It’s not about where you are right now. It’s about where you’ve been. And everything that happened. And how you’re still holding on to all of that.

Take it slow. Take your time. Rest more than you think you need to. Balance is a long game.

If you need help finding balance after burnout, come chat with me! I’m opening up coaching slots now for the new year, so if you want to start 2023 with a powerful intention, let it be to take control of your stress and burnout.

You can book a FREE 30 minute Zoom call here.

Mx