DO I NEED TO QUIT MY JOB TO RECOVER FROM BURNOUT?

The answer is, quite frustratingly:

IT DEPENDS.

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And it really really does depend.

It depends on your circumstances. It depends on your finances. It depends on your support systems, and it depends on the events that have led you to where you are now.

Is your work your biggest stressor?

Or is it one among many?

Or is it a bit of both?

If you’ve followed me for a while you’ve seen me talk about the Burnout Cycle, and this thing that we do when we’re stuck in it. We make some dramatic surface level change like quitting our jobs, and we go and do something else. We get a new job or do something totally different for a while and come back to a new role, a similar job, and then even though we’re rested and refreshed, we find ourselves right back in it again. Back in Burnout. Because we haven’t addressed any of the underlying issues - internal OR external - that led us to Burn Out in the first place.

So, the question isn’t really; do you have to quit your job.

The first question is, do you WANT to?

If your answer is yes, I want you to think about WHY.

Why do you want to quit your job?

Is it because it’s asking too much of you?

Is it because you’re working for, or with, toxic people?

Is it because you aren’t being given the support you need, even though you’ve asked for it, even though it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for, and you’ve been very clear with what you’re asking for?

Is it because the things it’s asking of you don’t align with your personal values?

Is it because you’ve gone through an experience that’s made you realise you want something else from your life and career?

It doesn’t have to be all of these. It doesn’t have to be any of them. I just want to get you thinking.

Another question. Do you think that the circumstances would be different if you were doing the same job somewhere else?

Ask yourself that, and then ask yourself it again. Really think about it.

Because most of the time, it’s not ‘either or’ when it comes to internal and external factors pushing us to Burnout.

SURE, my job was bloody ridiculous. It asked way too much of me. I didn’t get the support I needed when I asked for it and when I did get it, it was too late. There were some very toxic people. And in hindsight, it really REALLY didn’t align with my personal values - only with what I fooled myself into believing they were. And I had MANY experiences that made me realise I wanted something else from my life.

But I also was doing SO MUCH self sabotage alongside all that. I was pushing myself way too hard. I was volunteering myself for more things than I could handle. I had no balance, no support system, no life outside of that job and it wasn’t the job that did that - it was me.

The job was a freaking nightmare.

And so was I.

A lot of us are in jobs that are actually horrendous right now.

A lot of us are working for companies that don’t look after us properly.

A lot of us are working for companies that have struggled since the pandemic and we’re feeling the impact of that.

And the fact that there’s a reason behind it, that there’s been a pandemic or there’s some other reason the company is struggling, it doesn’t mean you are obligated to suffer.

A lot of us are also in these positions because we’ve been worn down after years of bullying, or misogyny, or negativity. We’re struggling with imposter syndrome and anxiety and crippling self doubt. We’ve been living and working in a culture that tells us that we have to be super busy and productive to be worth anything.

So often I come back to the fact that I worked so hard, and pushed myself so much, pursuing a dream that wasn’t actually my dream.

I was SO convinced that it was. That I was doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do.

It was only after my Burnout when I learned about myself, when I actually got to know myself, that I realised that who I actually am did not gel with that life AT ALL.

It doesn’t mean I couldn’t do it. I did do it. I could do it again. It would burn me out over and over, but I could do it again. It’s not about a lack of ability.

But I don’t really want that life.

I don’t want those decisions.

I don’t want those people.

I don’t want that lifestyle.

I don’t want that misery.

Because for me it was misery. And if your job is burning you out AND making you miserable? Yeah, maybe you should find a way to leave it.

One exercise I do with clients is I get them to figure out their core personal values. In different categories - work, life, relationships, friendships, all that. What kind of person are you? What do you need? What do you crave? Is it order and stability or creativity and spontaneity? Is it structure or freedom? Is it support, or responsibility? And what you need in work doesn’t have to be the same as what you need in life, or friendships, or your home life, or your romantic life.

You’re a big beautiful tapestry of different things.

Here’s some things I learned about myself when I burned out:

• I’m creative and a bit wild and I don’t do well in a super structured environment

• But I’m also super sensitive and I need to be able to check in with myself like all the time and adjust my output depending on my energy level

• I need to be outdoors like every day. I need that air and that sky and the breeze in the trees.

• I need to be able to walk and not see another human being.

• I need to be needed. Helping people is what gives me life and if I’m not careful I will do that at the expense of my own well-being.

• I’ve got an addictive personality and when I am struggling I latch onto things and let them completely consume me

So let’s take this person and put her in an environment where:

• She needs to be structured and organised and data driven and strategic

• She needs to be ON all the time and able to totally prioritise the needs of a bunch of overly emotional creative people

• She needs to watch those creative people CREATE - and not do any creating herself

• She needs to spend most of her time inside an office or a theatre or a plane, and mostly in cities.

• She needs to be constantly networking and performing and navigating complex inter company politics

• Her enthusiasm and need to be needed is totally able to be taken advantage of often

• She’s totally free to self-destruct as much as she wants because that fits in with the culture seamlessly

You see why I could not recover from Burnout in the environment I was in?

Every single thing about it clashed directly with who I am, and what I need.

This is why the answer is; it depends.

It depends what your job is.

It depends who YOU are.

It depends what recovery needs to look like for you.

Some purely practical stuff now. Can you afford to just quit and walk away? If you can’t then don’t. Not until you have a plan.

Is work offering you less hours, healthcare, therapy or counselling - are there support options on the table?

Have you been to a doctor? Because I talk to people on the regular who tell me no, they haven’t been to a doctor, because they know the doctor would sign them off work.

Um…

This is like me asking someone with a broken leg if they’ve been the the doctor. And they say no, they haven’t been to the doctor because they would put their leg in a cast and they have a marathon they want to run next week. And they’d run it with this snapped bone just sticking out of their leg and they’d pass out from the pain, and then sleep it off and get up again go again.

These two scenarios are THE SAME.

If you break your leg and you do a job where you have to be on your feet, using your legs, you’re off work for six weeks while it mends.

If you break your brain and you do a job where you need to use your brain, why is that different?

If you HAVE support available, lean into it. And even if you decide to leave in the future anyway, that’s okay. Staying and getting support doesn’t mean you owe anyone anything. If anything, YOU are owed the support. Especially if the job is what got you into this position in the first place.

Obviously I’m speaking quite generally here. Different places are going to have different policies and if you’re listening out side of the UK I have no idea what your rules are like. So take this all with a pinch of salt, do not take it as read, and do your research before you make any decisions.

Some of the people I’ve worked with in the past couple of years have taken their own paths, and these are some helpful examples of how this can play out:

• One person - came to me super burned out, overwhelmed, stressed, and off sick. Their job was the problem, but also their lack of boundaries and balance, and the downward spiral they’d gotten stuck in trying to stay afloat at work. They stepped back. This was a big thing actually, learning to physically step back. To breathe. When things went to shit at the job (which was one of those jobs where they were doing 3 peoples jobs, you know the ones) they learned to get up. Step away from the computer. Breathe. Focus. Come back and separate their feelings from the situation. This gave them some space to reconnect with themselves outside of work. They did a lot of really amazing work on themselves, made boundaries and stuck to them, despite the crap job pushing back against them. And then, a new job came along. They applied. They got it. They left the crap job and went into a new job, with boundaries and balance in place from day one.

• Another person - financially, could not quit their job. They had no support system, and they had bills to pay. They leaned into support at work and went down to a 4 day week. They recovered very slowly and took all pressure off themselves to accomplish things to a certain timeline. Eventually they went freelance and now they have more ownership over their schedule they are able to stay in balance more easily.

• Another person - took a block of time off. Several weeks to rest and recover. That doctor signed them off! When they went back it was a ‘phased return’. A day, then a couple of days, a less demanding role for a while. They got the time they needed to work on that balance. And they ended up taking a new role that risked being just as stressful as before, but were able to navigate this with a better understanding of balance.

• Another - took no particular amount of time off, having physically recovered before after crashing and burning with burnout. They kept working their hours but learned to prioritise rest. Stopped working out like a crazy person. Practiced setting boundaries and taking breaks through the day. They’re taking it slow and steady, with no intention of quitting.

• I could go on all day, but just one more! This person runs their own company, so they couldn’t just quit. They didn’t want to quit. But instead, by taking REST and creating a more realistic schedule, letting things go, learning to delegate - they changed their whole attitude toward work and life and now are able to separate the two and be present.

These are all examples of people who have not quit their jobs and have still recovered from Burnout.

It IS possible.

So when you ask me that question; do I need to quit my job to recover from Burnout?

No, you don’t need to.

Do you want to?

CAN you?

Because if you want to, and you can, then GO FOR IT. Take the time, get the rest, learn about yourself, and see what happens.

But you don’t need to. There are other ways. And just because your road to recovery doesn’t look exactly like mine, it doesn’t mean you aren’t going to get there.

So long as you’re on the road, you’re already doing it.

Mx