Since this is my first post, and I am a Burnout Coach after all, I figured I ought to start by explaining what the heck Burnout actually is.

As Psychology Today puts it quite succinctly, Burnout is; ‘a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress. Though it’s most often caused by problems at work, it can also appear in other areas of life, such as parenting, caretaking, or romantic relationships.’

Burnout isn’t simply being stressed. It isn’t just working too much, or too hard. It isn’t something that can be solved by taking a long weekend, or a holiday. It builds up over time - months and years - and when it hits, it hits hard. It isn’t a daily sort of stress - it’s a prolongued, chronic amount of stress that plagues you every waking moment. It isn’t a daily sort of exhaustion that can be cured by a good night’s sleep - it’s waking up exhausted every single day. It isn’t a bad mood - it’s crippling depression. It manifests differently for everyone, but there are some things that show up in everyone. Chronic stress, fatigue and exhaustion, apathy and a complete lack of passion for the things you used to care about, memory loss and the inability to concentrate, and often, severe depression and anxiety.

My experience of Burnout is long and complex. Now I’m coming out of the other side of it, I can see with the benefit of hindsight that I’ve been locked in a cycle of Burnout for most of my life. I can pick out the moments so clearly, where I pushed and pushed and pushed myself to my limits, and then lost all energy, all drive, all passion, crashing and burning into misery and depression. Each time this happened I found a way to hit restart - I moved city, I changed my job, I found something new to throw myself into, and each time I hit Burnout it was worse. My most recent Burnout in 2019 was me finally hitting breaking point - it was either going to be the thing that killed me, or the thing that finally got me to break the cycle and change my life. Thankfully, it ended up being the latter. But it could easily have been the former, if I hadn’t been lucky enough to have the support system around me that I had - good doctors, good therapists, good mentors, good family and good friends.

As I said, it’s different for everyone. This is how it manifested for me:

• Exhaustion - no amount of coffee was enough. I had been working around the clock for years, but when I was succumbing to my Burnout, I wasn’t actually working that much. It didn’t matter if I worked a sixteen hour day or a six, I was so exhausted every moment of the day.

• Insomnia - even when I got home early enough to get a decent night’s sleep, I didn’t sleep. I lay awake until two, three, four in the morning, knowing that the moment I finally did fall asleep, it would mean I would soon wake up, and I’d have to somehow find a way to get out of bed again.

• Anxiety - my therapist recently told me that I’m the most anxious person she’s ever met. That’s… quite something to hear.

• Depression - I frequently felt I would rather just not be here. Enough said on that one.

• Alcoholism - drinking has always been an issue for me. Turns out I have severe Generalised Anxiety Disorder and always have, and I’ve been using alcohol as a crutch to get me through social events, work events and just… general life. As my Burnout took over, my tolerance dropped severely. I lost all concept of just one drink, I lost the ability to stop drinking, and I lost control of my temper and emotions on a regular basis.

• Blackouts - these often followed the aforementioned periods of excessive drinking, but not always. I blacked out when walking somewhere and found myself in places I didn’t remember walking to. I blacked out in the bathroom and woke up half way through the day, with no memory of even entering the room.

• Allergies - by the point of my Burnout, all I could eat was steamed salmon, chicken and brocolli. Literally every other food sent my digestive system into spasm, I bounced from constipated and bloated to the opposite daily. I was in constant, chronic stomach pain. I suffered with bad eczema too, and broke out in full body rashes.

• Periods - I just… stopped having them. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I probably had about three in 2019 in total. Now I have them again, I find myself very much affected by my hormones and suffer with premenstrual dysphoric disorder - a pretty extreme form of PMS.

• Alopecia - this was one of the first warning signs and I completely ignored it! A few years before my major Burnout, I lost huge patches of hair. I spent a year with my hair in a topknot, pretending nothing was wrong.

• Apathy - I just didn’t care any more. About anything. And that was the most frightening thing of all, because I actually care so much about so much. I just didn’t have the energy for it.

And these issues don’t just go away overnight. During the healing process, a lot of them continue to be an issue, along with;

• Triggers - I am regularly triggered by reminders of my previous life that send me into a regressive spiral. People, phrases, adverts, media, headlines, illustrations, social media updates, words, names, hairstyles, accents, music, the list is endless.

• Broken brain - this is still a problem. My brain doesn’t work like it used to. I forget things I never would have before. I can’t concentrate for more than an hour or so. I can’t write for hours and hours like I used to. I sit at my computer and panic after reading one too many emails, and get overwhelmed very easily.

Thats quite a concerning list, isn’t it? So what things did I actually do to start healing? I’m going to expand on each of these in future posts, because they all deserve to be fully detailed at length.

• Therapy - I would marry my therapist if she’d have me. That said, finding the right one for you is not always easy! And bad experiences can put you off.

• Medication - not for everyone, but it works well for me as part of a bigger picture. Before, I fell into the trap of thinking that medication was all I needed, I got some pills from the doctor and pushed on. Guess what? That did not work.

• Yoga & Pilates - gentle exercise is a game changer! I used to do nothing but HIIT - spinning and boxing and mini trampoline. Sure, I got that endorphin hit, but I also got a heck load of cortisol (the stress hormone) when I had quite enough floating around my system to begin with!

• Meditation - if you’d told me 2 years ago I would one one day swear by meditation and practice daily, I’d have laughed you out of the room. But I do! And it works.

• Mindfulness - Awareness is everything.

• Coaching - I’ve worked with a few Burnout coaches, and other Mindfulness and Yoga coaches. It helps so much to talk to someone who’s been through the same experiences as you.

• Gratitude - journalling is another thing I would have once turned my nose up at. But guess what… yep, it also works! Appreciating what you have is not the same as settling. It helps you find positivity in moments of darkness when you need it most.

And yes… I quit my job. It was not possible to heal in the situation I was in, but I am not recommending such a drastic action for everybody. I’d gone way past the point of no return, and the best course of action for me was to step away entirely and focus solely on my recovery. That said, I also acknowledge I was in a position of privilege to be able to do that, having saved some money up to be able to take at least a few months off of working entirely, and not everyone can do that. But so much of that time I spent learning - reading, listening, taking courses - learning all the lessons! And now, looking back, I know that I could have avoided my Burnout if I’d taken action sooner. I could have helped myself much earlier, and I might have even stayed within the industry I was in, had I found better ways to cope than the self destructive path I actually went down. But these things happen for a reason, and I’m at least now in a position to help others avoid making the same mistakes.

If you think you might be at risk of Burnout and you want to start taking steps to prevent it, you’ll find plenty of tips and resources on my Instagram feed, and in my monthly newsletter. If you feel you need more specific, time sensitive help, why not take advantage of one of my FREE 30 minute consultation slots? I have these available every week, and there’s absolutely no financial commitment. Just a cup of tea and a chat, over Zoom or FaceTime. Simple as that!

Until next time,

Mx